Reflection from ‘Yoga and the Path of the Urban Mystic’ by Darren Main 

You know how people often talk about ‘original sin’? Well, I was told I came with an ‘original weakness.’ That’s because of my Thalassemia Minor, which means my blood cells are a bit smaller. I was that kid in class who was always a bit behind everyone else – not quite fitting into the athletic mold. I won’t lie; it felt rough. Naturally, I wasn’t keen on physical challenges. Instead, I gravitated toward art, crafts, and music. Life went on, and it was alright.

Now, if you’re wondering if I still see myself as weak? Absolutely not.

I recently delved into a book, ‘Yoga and the Path of the Urban Mystic,’ written by Darren Main. It opened with such an interesting topic: ‘Atman’ – think of it as our genuine self inside that gets obscured by life’s experiences. Trying to rediscover that genuine self feels like you’re sifting through layers. And shedding those layers? That’s a personal journey, sometimes filled with missteps. We often add more layers when we’re trying to remove them. Unfortunately, that’s real life, y’all.

Fast forward to life after giving birth to my second child, and for the first time, I could nail the Chaturanga Dandasana in its correct form. That’s eight years into my yoga journey. Carrying my two kids and their gear everywhere? That gave my arms a workout they’d never had before. That’s when it hit me: I had an epiphany. Maybe I’ve been too harsh on myself all my life. By that time, my headstand was pretty solid. So, I thought, why not challenge myself a bit more? Maybe… a handstand? Perhaps the real ‘me’ isn’t about weakness but STRENGTH.

Isn’t it curious how life works? Every chapter of this book seemed to echo the stages of my handstand journey. Bear with me as I pull back the curtain on this unexpected parallel. And after that… the great “search”.

Now, when I say “search” in the context of “Atman”, I’m not talking about a Google search—though wouldn’t that be convenient? Discovering the Atman is a profound journey inward. But on a lighter note, perhaps my genuine self has a cheeky sense of humor. What do you think? 

Still, in the world of handstands, I confess: I did, in fact, turn to Google. Climbing up walls with my feet, mastering the art of the floor push, perfecting the kick-up—yep, Google was my guru. 

I honed my Chaturanga, seeking strength, precision, and health in each move. My guiding mantra? “Elbows close to the torso”. Every day, I felt the growth, the power. But achieving that momentary airtime in a handstand? It felt distant. And then, the siren call of Instagram beckoned.

Darren introduced the concept of ‘Maya’ in the book, describing it as the illusion that is our entire physical universe. The concept immediately drew parallels to the movie ‘The Matrix’ for me. Could our lived experiences just be figments of our minds? Strangely, Buddha’s teachings align with this thought.

For me, Maya manifested as my Instagram self.

Documenting life is one of my joys. Whether it’s crafting unique hashtags, preserving memories, or sharing my worldview—it’s never about the chase for Insta-glory. I genuinely appreciate the connections the platform creates. Stick with me, and perhaps you’ll understand why.

Now, here’s a little secret: posting a handstand shot on social media is actually a piece of cake. Just set up your camera, give a swift kick upwards, and then take screen-shot, capture that fleeting moment you’re off the ground. It looks impressive, sure, but it’s hardly authentic strength. Sure, I’d get the likes and compliments, but I knew deep down I was taking shortcuts. Authenticity? Far from it. It was a facade, a mirage—pure Maya for both me and my followers. All the digital applause, yet no real growth. Eventually, the pretense wore thin, but my curiosity remained alive.

Determined to challenge the notion of my ‘original weakness,’ I embraced handstands anew. This time, it became a transformative and deeply spiritual journey for me.

I’ve been following a yogi-Tuber for some time. Shana Meyerson, I was drawn to her unpretentious, homespun content. Her videos, unedited and genuine, always resonated with wisdom and practicality. What amazed me the most was her remarkable strength at her 54. She emphasized practicing handstands away from the wall, claiming the wall, kicking to the wall is absolutely a great, safe start but it can become a crutch, especially for that perfect Instagram shot. Her words had me in splits—it was spot-on!! LOL — I LAUGH OUT LOUD to myself.

Without the security of the wall, many of us overcompensate. In our eagerness to nail the handstand and get that flawless shot, we forget the fundamentals: core strength, alignment, foundational balance, and flexibility. Our ambition, fueled by EGO, often makes us overexert.

So, how about trying it away from the wall? Embracing a lighter kick and a softer landing, without the ego-driven need to ‘get it up there.’ Sure, in the early days, weeks or maybe months, you might feel a bit silly, hopping gently in the room’s center while others soar against the wall. But even if no one notices the intense focus, the sweat, the deep engagement of every muscle—know that with every attempt, you’re genuinely evolving.

So, I took on this challenge head-first. I bid adieu to the wall and revisited my favorite pastime—documenting my journey on Instagram. I’ve always been a sucker for it.

I began to embrace and savor every step of the process, even the parts that went unseen. Sure, the end result would look impressive, but it was the persistent effort that counted. I managed to shelve a significant chunk of my ego. Falling, progressing at a snail’s pace, repeating the same routines daily—it all became part of my story. In group classes, while I longed to perfectly execute a handstand and win over my peers, I instead opted to stay true to my journey, positioning myself right in the room’s center. Yes, occasionally, I’d return to the wall, but only to gain clarity on a particular aspect. Liberating myself from the shackles of ego became my newest badge of honor, and to me, that felt immensely gratifying.

My journey took another significant turn when I enrolled in Yoga Teacher Training at Awakened Yoga Studio. It’s not an exaggeration to say it was a transformative experience. One of the assignments led me to the book I’m discussing now, which introduced the profound concept of ‘Asana’.

The term ‘Asana’ linguistically translates to ‘to sit’. In yoga, it’s all about holding that pose, finding stillness within it. Physically, this practice builds muscles, aids in stretching, and enhances body functionality. However, the book took readers deeper, exploring the mental grit required when every fiber of your being screams to abandon a pose. What if you pushed just a little further, holding on for another inhale or exhale?

It drew parallels with life’s challenges. One evening after my Yoga Teacher Training. My brain was so sore with too much new information. I returned home to find my two kids in tears and my husband visibly frazzled. Evidently, managing the kids for nearly nine hours was uncharted territory for him. While I was grateful for his support, the palpable tension was overwhelming. The term ‘Asana’ echoed in my mind. Instead of reacting emotionally, I chose to ‘sit’ in the moment. I stayed beside my kids, offering quiet comfort, allowing my husband his much-needed space. This was a deviation from my usual response, and I credit my newfound understanding for this change.

Reflecting this story to my yoga practice, I am personally a very disciplined person but from time to time I usually avoid some poses. I was tired. But after that night, my brain was kind of shifted. I always choose to stay in the pose. Maybe try to hold it for another breath, sometimes modify it and just make it right for my situation at that time. I am really empowered by this word Asana.

In handstand, I finally got a chance to take a workshop with Shana Meyerson, the cool yogituber I mentioned earlier. And what she made me do to improve my handstand is a very very hard core exercise. It looked so impossible for me in the very first place. On the first try before knowing Asana, I gave up in the middle of the way and said to myself it’s too hard. But after learning about Asana, I just stayed, I took some breaks along the way, I modified a lot, I made it in a lazy way sometimes but kept doing. And by the end of week1 it’s slightly easier, by the end of week2, I can continue doing everything without any break and now it’s by the end of week3, I can completely complete the hold exercise already. After achieving this, my handstand didn’t change much but I have no regrets at all. What I got is far beyond that. It’s STRENGTH within me. 

Yoga change my life. My practice reflects my life and my life reflects my practice beautifully always. It is truly the dance of yoga. Furthermore, I found my practice affects someone else’s life too. Maria, one of my yoga teacher training friends, started her headstand journey in her 60s. I saw her smile when show me her head stand vdo, that’s more than the word amazing to me. My husband starts to look at  lifes in a different way than he used to see. He usually think that, there is only one curtain way to walk, the absolute truth that was unadjustable now is adjustable. I am so so glad I am now walking in this path of yoga. I am so so glad made this choice of taking yoga teacher training and embrace all every transformation within myself. Thanks for this book that made me connect all the dots in my life in a more functional way. Oh! And the thing about my Atman “original weakness”? “Original super strong person” I’d like to say haha, I don’t really care about them much for now. I cannot hold my hand stand for 1 mins as I wanted to yet but I’m sure not a loser ‘original weakness’.  I not even know what my Atamn is. Actually, it doesn’t really matter anymore. I am so enjoying all of this is processes in life.  I came so far and I have already got so so many things.